it's been awhile. basically i just feel ugly lonely and wasted. bored and jealous. i miss this time last year, when everything still felt so possible. i could still fix my sucky school situation, i was so excited by my crush on andrew, i still had time to lose weight and perfect myself for a summer worth rememberance.

i hate and love laura all at the same time. i don't understand fiona but i don't feel like i have to, i guess that's one thing i love about her. i miss andrew so much. without him in this town, i feel so empty. so empty. everything's so boring and i'm so depressed and so stuck. so wasted. so dry dry dry. i'm bored even of jessie. she's not the same. i hate her little get togethers at her house, the people she knows. they're boring and dumb.

i hate my family and all that they are. blah blah blah blah.

i want to have control. i want to take control. of something, atleast.

tomorrow i shall go grocery shopping with timmy and get thin foods and diet pills.

i will disappear.