nothing could ever make me feel whole again except wayne, until I get over him. but it feels just like phillip, so I'll never get any closure until we talk again and I figure out what the fuck is going on. why I don't mean anything to him anymore. or whatever. but it's a paradox. because all I want is to talk to him. figure things out. but that would make him even more angry. fuck. JUST LIKE FUCKING PHILLIP.

now andrew's just sort of my lost love, I mean, I'll always crush on him, but it doesn't hurt as bad...because...fuck I don't know, but it doesn't. andrew could make me feel complete if I liked myself or whatever. you know shit like that. and I...I don't know. I guess I'm trying to say I could maybe actually see myself with him because maybe I'm his type? maybe. obviously I'm not Wayne's. What the fuck does that even mean? why the FUCK am I not good enough for him? whjfdsk;jfas;lfkjf;ewrklewjrklewj;fewlkjr;lfjds;fkljdf;skfljdf;adf;dsf;;;

anyway. I atleast just want Wayne and me to be on friend terms, but I can't even have that, because I don't know when to approach him, because apparently he hates me....fuckkk.. I really need to talk to Hannah about all of this. I need to know what to do, how to forget about this hurt and move on. because it's different for me. I guess. losing your best friend is awful, but losing a good friend you've always been in love with is just a different more confusing hurt. atleast their break was clean. ours wasn't. I need to figure shit out.

I guess I'll just call her tomorrow when I get home and see if she can talk. because...yeah. maybe she'll have answers.