a scene idea for the movie i wish my life was:

me and another character (subject to change, right now probably jackie, or maybe andrew) are drinking and making toasts, taking turns reciting quotes for said toasts. and suddenly, i suggest, "do you think anyone really lives by quotes? i know some people try to." the character gives their opinion. and i reply, "but, it always just seems that right when you need them, you can't remember them, or something. and you just think of them later while you're crying into your... *says name of whatever we're drinking, and chuckles*
well, anyway. they're never right there when you need them. so why have them? comfort. it must all be about comfort."
a pause.
"well, i'm comfortable."
and then i snuggle up to the character opposite me. "i'm comfortable and happy here and right now, that's all that matters."

another idea.
if i'm with andrew, he might suddenly stand up, and exclaim "no! it's not all about comfort. it's about taking risks, taking advantage of every possibility. being impulsive and living fast and not wasting one little second of the time we have."
i jump up, too.
"fine, let's be impulsive then! what do you want to do? let's go play in the snow. i want to throw a lot of snow at you and have you throw snow back at me."
he smiles at me, "that's a good idea."
i run outside and he follows, running after me. i call over my shoulder, "i want you to attack me!" i stop, unaware of where he is, in my own little world, throwing my arms up excitedly, talking to the sky. he walks somewhere off-screen.
"i don't want to know what's coming. i want to-"
i'm cut off by a large amount of snow hitting me that he's thrown. we start to fight and play in the snow and chase after each other and that's the end of that scene.

later, we're laying in a patch of snow next to each other, looking at the stars.
i say, "well, i guess this means we'll have to trade now and again."
he says, "what do you mean?"
i reply, "i'm cancer. yearning for comfort. yet, moody, and sometimes impulsive and risky and completely fine with it. you: gemini, always impulsive and indecisive, you guys are just little whirlwinds of life."
he says, "you make us both out to be walking contradictions. well, it is true."
a pause.
a:"i'm fine with comfort. comfort in the moment. no promises of forever. just pretend there is no forever. pretend we're going to get bombed in the next minute so that you have to savour every second of this one."
another pause. i lay my head on his chest, and close my eyes.
me:"i can do that."

end scene.

i should write fucking movies. maybe this was what i was born to do. i always wanted to get my dreams out somehow, and how better than with cinema?
but i could never really find actors to replace my friends in my daydreams.
i don't necessarily want to watch them and have them come to life that way. i want to LIVE them. but i guess that would be as close as i could get, and i'd be giving some other teenager out there the gift of beauty and that they're not alone. or something. indeed.

time to go think this out further and dream myself into sleep.