god damnit. why doesn't anyone care when i'm doing bad? seriously. i'm not even kidding or solely attention seeking here. i all too often get the impression that everyone's just sick of me and don't care or anything.

and fuck. if he's been doing bad, we could do bad together. i want to make him smile because we've got so many of the same problems, i know it, and if he can smile for a moment, so could i.

when everything gets down to it, honestly, i think one of my only true friends is caity, she's one of the only kids i felt listened to me, and that i wouldn't be afraid to call and bitch and ramble and cry to if things got really, really bad. but even her i get skeptic about. i'm scared she thinks i'm using her. maybe i am. i don't even know. everything's always just so complicated. there's probably so many kids in athens who could get me but, i don't know.

i don't want someone only waiting for their turn to speak.
i don't want someone only hanging onto my every word because they want me. because they want to know me. whatever.