i'm supposed to be hanging out with becka and her new boy today and we might smoke some i dunno. i'm very apprehensive. that's like, three things in one i've never done. becasue i'm sure she's changed a lot. we both have. i don't know how to do this. it's stupid to be apprehensive so I just need to chill out and let it happen. i mean, it's normal, ish, right? you can understand? trying to hook back up with a friend i barely know anymore? after so long? it just feels too soon.

i got this feeling with margaret too. we rarely saw each other so i didn't know how to be around her. ithink that's why we didn't hang out as often. but, plus side, becka's supposed to be calling me at lunch, so we'll talk about it then.

mmm i love diet mountain dew. it's tasty, calorie free, and caffiene injested. mhmm.

i need to get to school. i decided i'm going to start doing work except in algebra. i don't think there's much to do about that class. and never, ever fuck u p a semester this bad again, i promise.

i feel so unnormal. this world i've made for myself and depression has kept me from feeling much of anything except what i create. you know? like, i've gone so long without considering a future, or trying to build up for one, that i really don't think i'll have one. so i don't know what to do at all.

maybe it's too much at once. i don't know. the xanax hangover is still keeping me from thinking. i think that thinking too much is good for me. without it i don't feel normal. hm.