he's still right. i can't fuck anything up right. i can't do anything at all right. i like this keyboard. whatever. i'm messing up so badly in school. i honestly don't think i'll come back by the end of the semester. which means that i won't be graduating on time, if i fail three classes this semester. and i'll have a lot of annoying shit to retake. i hate this. but i just can't make myself do anything in school, because i know it's meaningless, i'm not learning anything to aid me in being happy and living my life. we're not learning anything, they're teaching us how to become trained monkeys and government drones in the viscious cycle of consumerism. and i just don't want to be a part of that. i really don't. i probably just made about a 13 at least on that math test, or something. and here i am, wasting my time, writing the same things over and over again. everything is very mundane. i need new thoughts. i need to break these cycles. i think these same ones every day. and that one. god damnit. honestly, if anyone thinks that i'm boring, it's true. but at least i can type fast and efficiently i guess. and at least i can spell. and i know all of this is meaningless. i feel like cutting. oh shit. where did that come from? i dont know. it would pass the time and maybe i'd feel alive. there's some guy interviewing mexicans on how they crossed the border. what the fuck. why cross it, anyway? i'd rather stay in mexico. at least it's a facinating, and very much alive, country. i hate that everyone born in the world is expected to contribute to society. why? why why why. too many why's and i wish i'd never been born, honestly. i really do. it doesn't matter whose lives i might have affected positively because in the end we all die. and that's it. i dont know, maybe i will kill myself, my reasons for not doing so are really dumb. but i guess there are some things worth experiancing even if in the end they're all meaningless. maybe. i don't know, honestly i don't. maybe i wish i could talk to someone about this. i don't know. i honestly don't. or maybe i do but i won't admit it from fear of being wrong. i'm very redundant. i need something new to write about that's worth writing about. maybe. this is stupid. i should stop but it's passing the time and i feel like i'm getting somewhere. but you can't get anywhere if you're just running in circles. and i am. except, it's more like walking, i haven't the motivation to run. i'm really the laziest fucker alive. oh god. failure failure failure. at least i'm good at creating illusions and believing them, maybe. what's that beeping noise. i hope the school will blow up and we'll all die. i really do.