but it is one way to live, if you could even call it that.

i'm too chicken to seek treatment for my depression, i know nothing will help. and if i feel better, i want to know that it's because of me, not because of a rebalance in brain chemicals. this is nothing new, it's a deep existential crisis of sorts that has its roots in my early life. maybe.

i always use the future to escape the present. because of that, i know there's no getting out of the labyrinth for me.