i hate life. or maybe i just hate highschool and/or athens. it's something. i hate the way it works, i hate those rules that are true but shouldn't be. i hate how if i was amazingly beautiful and spontaneous and interesting, this would work. i would work. things would click.

i miss her so much. and i shouldn't, because you can't miss what was never there. i miss the her that she sold me. and, because i thought it might be the real her a bit, i can't bring it back to life without her in my life.

i need to stop blaming myself. but it's all i've ever known, that all this is my fault.