i wake up to too many stimulants, and i sleep to too many sedatives. i have always been one to rely on medications, i suppose it was growing up with my mom, slave to the pills and doctors' bills throwing her into unimaginable debt. but this is just ridiculous. my hands are shaking so much that i can barely type. too much caffiene, pseudoephedrine, my add meds.

i toss around the idea of taking a few days off to detox, maybe the break would do my body good, since i have grown tolerant to some meds. but it's too scary. i know i am far gone, i know i am addicted, and it will just get worse.

i have xanax for this afternoon and i am excited.