wow. i haven't written here in ages. i think i'll start writing it again, cause some stuff has been going on that i really want to share yet keep secret.

firstly, i haven't done a damn thing to get off of drugs. in fact, i'm getting morphine later tonite from maddie. i bought some to help her pay for a cancer bill. sweet. can't wait.

otherwise, i've been really depressed for months. like, i used to be pretty sad all of the time, but i'd get happy too, and i was active. now i just feel like, nothing. i've changed. there's something wrong. i think it might be the zyprexa i've been taking to sleep. i wish i could be off of anti psychs forever, since i think that's what's doing this to me...but i can't, because they're all that makes me sleep. my mom got some seroquel for me to sleep. hooray. i dunno what to do, maybe i'll honestly try to stay off of xanax and stuff like it for six months so i can take it again. that's a good idea, but can i do it?

i could if i tried.

i could also lose weight finally and not fail at school (which i'm doing pretty well in, surprisingly.) if i tried.

and i will. i hope.