no more hours long heated random makeout sessions with hot ex boyfriends after rough and confusing nights in best friends' bathrooms in the morning for me anymore.

especially now that everyone knows
I would've liked it to have been our secret but no. whatever.

the scary thing is that it was hot but got boring. maybe either I really have no libido, or I just don't like guys sexually? maybe I don't like anyone sexually? and I don't feel anything for josh at all. he's one of my good friends yeah and he's a great kid, I love how he's pretty and always there for me when I need him to be and that he thinks I'm great and that he always has cigarettes.

but I don't like him like that. so I guess I feel weird and guilty. whatever.

I hope Jessie's not ignoring me on purpose. it was really great how for a coupla days last week we were really close, it was just us.

but I had to fuck that up. I fuck everything up.

there's still some hope in this town, mostly just Tara in all honesty and Caleb when I run into them, and the few people still left here but they're quickly disappearing.
then I guess I'll just have to hope that I'll get my chance to conquer worlds and turn some more heads before moving on.

I need to stop fucking up. no more hooking up at parties. ever. no more random hookups actually probably. they embarass me and make me feel like a slut and oh so empty.

etcetera.