I think I'm just addicted to things when they're new, fresh, and exciting. Like that feeling when you meet someone new. I had this feeling when I met Wayne, and it just made everything feel better, looking forward to seeing and talking to him everyday, all of that. It took away the pain of my unrequited Andrew love, of my poor school performance, of my self hate, etc etc. And now meeting Brianna. I think I like her a good bit. Good things could definitley come out of this. She's gorgeous, cute, quirky, (and bi! and available!) sweet, what more?

But our exchange of myspace messages can't quite dull the pain that Wayne promised to call and he hasn't. And that I can barely remember half of our conversation. And that I want to hear his voice so badly it hurts, it hurts, it hurts so bad. And that I...I really, really just want to get drunk. Really really fucking trashed and watch a good movie and make this all go away for awhile.

And I miss Tim too. He's good at making the demons go away for awhile.

I think I have a new plan. I think I'll homeschool this year and get these courses out of the way, then go to PLC next year. And if Andrew really comes back and goes to Cedar, then I'll try transferring there senior year. Or if Tara/Caleb leave PLC(cause then I wouldn't have ANYONE). I just need to find out if they accept homeschool students.

But right now, really I just need to focus on getting my schoolwork all done and right, my community service, getting my permit, cleaning/re-doing my room, losing weight, and figuring other shit out.

It's about damn time I got this shit done and now I've got my chance.