My ears are burning. Metaphorically, that is. Constantly.

My goal, right now, is to get into Sarah Lawrence. I mean, for a few years now, it's been my life's dream. I...I'm just scared I've already screwed up too bad.

But I think I made an important realisation last night. Growing up, really, is not retreating into fear anymore, but instead, just you know, taking chances, or whatever. Taking care of yourself.

And, it's true, we are all going. We're all gonna die. But seriously, I don't want to be laying on my deathbed recalling every single thing I never did.

I thought to myself, "Well, I feel slightly bored. I feel like I've already learned all there is to know, all the basic philosophical realisations of life. How it works, what to do, why, etc etc. So now what do I do? Is it time to die, because I've already come to all of these conclusions it takes some people lifetimes to think up?"

And then I realised. I'm not getting the point. I know now, that my only job is to live. I now know, how, and why. But if I don't live, then I really haven't learned at all.

Lastnight, on Xanax, I came up with the toaster metaphor. Why, exactly, do you buy the toaster in the first place? To toast your bread, of course. To use. Not to just sit around feeling accomplished, like "Well, I've got my toaster...what do I do witj it?" which, metaphorically, leads into "Well, I've come to the meaning of life...now what do I do with it?"

Live.
Just.
Fucking.
Live.