I need to feel in control
of everything

I lied
I do need people
maybe it's some leftover shitty childhood thing,
but I used to think if I was sick enough they'd stick around
(probably learned that one unconciously from my mom, whom it works for whether she's that uncapable or not)

now I'm trying for "If only I'm interesting/cool enough, they'll keep me, and I'll keep myself"

afterall, that's all that really matters
things feel so much faker nowadays
I don't know if I could ever trust anyone with my problems
and frankly I don't see the point, they don't change
atleast stories are interesting

god
I'm fucked up