i am remembering the rain we ran through on saturday and how alive i felt. for once, we were just being, and i wasn't thinking, ah, glorious. and today, watching the trees blowing in the window beyond this computer in the library, enjoying my delicious chemical induced euphoria, tingles and butterflies (body highs), i think i feel alive. i cannot wait for adderall. can't can't can't. oh god. excited. if this, caffiene and my focalin, is making me feel so wonderful today, than real amphetamines must feel even better right? i have a bad habit of couting back days and remembering times when i felt better, like "24 hours ago, at this very moment, I was...." and such.

summer's gonna come and it's gonna cloud our eyes again. no need to focus when there's nothing worth seeing.

clutch pig math professor! i need to find some way to start skipping second period and not get caught, cause, just god, ugh.

who needs real happiness when i've got chemical induced euphoria, and all of this? my film stream and poetic thinking? exactly.

this is how i live, if you could call it that, and you can't yet but i will. soon. i'm waiting for something and it'll be soon. and i like it like this.