but still i feel so cold

any moment my obsession could
be spun back into motion and i
i don't want to fall in love
with you
i can't remember those nights
we held hands i can't torture
myself with wondering, did they
mean anything to you? i can't remember
but i sure as hell won't forget.
there is a problem:
our story still has some blank pages.
and i don't know how to fill them,
don't know how i'd want to.

my horoscope this morning told me
to venture out, to trade all of this
ugliness for surroundings more inspiring.
i'd rather my depression come out in
substance abuse and adventures, at least
impulsion is active. so i'll run away
i'll get lost
writing stories in my head
and love where i am.