i cannot love him. and i don't. no matter how smart, and cute, and charming he is. we're both falling apart and unraveling at the seams. two broken cups of china glued together to make a new cup will never be the same. the pieces will never fit together as exactly as how they were at first. and everytime it's broken again, it will be harder to piece back together somewhat again. two kids such as us, intelligent and smart beyond belief (and so self destructive it's ridiculous) would do nothing but feed off of each other.

maybe that would be better than falling for the other i am. because it's unfair to him, i probably only like him because he's happy and more well-off than i. and maybe i want to be able to learn from him or something.

oh well. xanax tomorrow. or should i save it? maybe. i think i will save it, for friday or some other time or another. then again, i could always steal some more, i don't think my mom counts her pills.

i feel an addiction growing, and i don't care. it's almost comforting.