well i've just taken the first step to "teenage liberation" or atleast a less bullshit-ridden life by withdrawing from cedar. i'm going to start that homeschool program...whenever the fuck i feel like it i guess. probably by monday. like i said, i'd like to relish in the freedom from textbooks and shit for a few days, maybe burn some schoolwork, maybe clean and/or do some community service. it'd be nice to knock those two out of the way.

and i just had the most stunning revelation. i worry way, way too fucking much about how i look through other people's eyes...and it's so pointless cause i'll never know. i am my own reality. seriously. i just need to quit worrying so much about the rest of the world and focus on what will make ME happy. if i'm happy, they should be happy too if they love me. or something. but the whole point is that my questions on dreams vs. reality just bring me down further, cause really, i'll never know i guess.

i guess i've given up on intellectual pursuits, atleast for this moment.