but personally, i think my reasons are a little more justified. see, i never changed for attention, or because i wanted to impress someone. i have always tossed these ideas around in my head. and you, i remember when you were completely the opposite of how you try to be now.

however. i blame you, too. for my lack of ability to trust people.

or maybe it's all my fault. i don't know. maybe not completely, or am i just looking for a scapegoat? looking into my past too much?

i feel like throwing up. i don't feel anything. i feel confused and ambivalent as i always do. i still feel like throwing up. and i wish i could fall asleep to take a nap. but, i have to deal with all of that shit and thinking the moment my head hits the pillow and i try to soothe myself into sleep. ah.